Dish It UP!

“Sometimes being a bitch is the only thing a woman has to hold on to.” – Delores Claiborne, “Delores Claiborne” by Stephen King

While I am not a woman (nor to I want to be), I think there comes a point in one’s life where he or she just has to be… well, a bitch.

This is where I am trying to curve my attitude in all walks of life. So far, it is doing me some good.

At work, I am beginning to check people on their bullshit more and more. I care less and less about what people think, while still keeping MYSELF in check and I’ve recently found myself unafraid to voice my opinion.

For a while, I had fallen off track and completely lost my personality among a pack of wolves, but through self-talk, self-evaluation and the current state of reality tv, I have learned that I am a human being with emotions, needs and wants and I have every right in the world to life a comfortable, bullshit-free life. No one can tell me “no” or “you can’t,” because I motherfuckin’ can.

In the words of “Flavor of Love’s” New York, “Y’all don’t want none… but if you do, I’ll dish it. Okay? And I’m not talking about no small plate, baby. I’ll give ya a whole BUFFET. Is that what you want? A buffet? Oh, I’ll dish it UP!”

And that’s what I’m gonna do… Dish. It. Up.

Taking Advantage

A few things occurred to me today as the photography situation still continues to spin out of control.

Less than 10 seconds after I got out of my car this morning, I was stopped by a director of alumni relations who asked if I was available to take pictures at an alumni evening event next week.

She did the right thing by going to the VP of my department first, but was then deferred to my boss, who of course, obliviously nominates me for the job.

Now, first of all, I HATE shooting event photography. It is a whole other monster in itself when it comes to corralling people and timing the shots. Plus, I don’t have any event photography experience. I don’t like being around crowds, I hate randomly sticking a camera in people’s faces and I’d rather not work after normal business hours.

Even though I made it clear in my interview that I DO NOT want to do event photography, it clearly didn’t sink in to people’s thick-ass skulls. I enjoy shooting portraits, architectural shots and landscapes. That is where I excel and that is what makes me happy.

The College has already saved thousands of dollars by having me photograph many different things. Yet, there are cases where photography requests have taken away from design time and people start looking at me funny because my work isn’t done.

From day one, I said that there should be some sort of parameter put around the types of photos that I shoot and the ones taken by a professional photographer. ESPECIALLY if it takes time away from the job I interviewed for. Again, it fell on deaf ears.

Remembering all of this, I didn’t get upset. I politely told the director of alumni that I would be happy to help. However, I don’t have the proper equipment to handle such a task… and that was the truth.

For that type of photography, I would really need a speed light, or a high-powered, detachable flash, which would give more control over the lighting situation.

So, as my dad would say, I “put the monkey back on her,” and she agreed to “throw” that bit of information back to my boss.

Getting another piece of camera equipment would be exciting. However, it will eliminate my excuse out of shooting an event. Frankly, it’s a lose/lose situation and I’m sure someone is going to try to pressure me into doing it.

While I am happy that people recognize my talent for things, I don’t want to be taken advantage of… and that is what’s happening. I am not paid my normal photography rates for doing favors for people and I am certainly not making as much as the other designers in my department – even though I believe I have skills that collectively match theirs. So, I ask myself, is that fair? Should I just grin, bear it, and then use the experience to get the hell out of there?

That I’m not sure about, but I will tell you this. I am not the one to be chewed up and spit out a second time. I’m slowly learning to stick up for myself and knock some sense into people the more annoyed I get.

Final Thought Before Bed

Before I sign off this motherfuckin’ computer, I just have a few more things I need to say.

Why the fuck are people from my past trying to reconnect with me NOW? There were many reasons why I left White Plains, starting with the drama and lack of camaraderie there was amongst my peers.

I’m getting Facebook messages and IMs all of a sudden from people who don’t talk to me, trying to ask what I’m up to and invite me to stuff. I just don’t get it.

I expect people to be black and white. Either you are my friend or your not. Either you talk to me or you don’t. Pick ONE.

These people chose not to be a part of my life and left me out of theirs. I was fine with that, but what ticks me off is the gray area where people try to have their cake and eat it too. You can’t NOT talk to me for 6 months and then all of a sudden call or IM me like no time passed. I don’t work that way.

What’s funny to me is now that I’m NOT in White Plains, people NOW all of a sudden are concerned whether or not I’m going to be in town any time soon. How the hell does that make any goddamn sense?

All I want is for people to be consistent and respectful. IS THAT TOO MUCH to ask?

Up and Down

At this point in time, my days are so up and down, it’s hard to pinpoint my emotions anymore. The stupidity that abounds me on a daily basis is overwhelming, frustrating and discouraging.

While I successfully completed the view book on Thursday, I had no choice but to settle with the final product before I sent it to the printer. Not having a reasonable amount of time to really “design” the piece, I did what I could. Frankly, I don’t givva fuck about who has to say WHAT about it.

The hardcopy proof for the view book was ready on Friday, but I had to wait until this morning to see it because I was off on a comp day for my extended hours of work. OF COURSE, there were dozens of text changes spanning across 24 out of the 48 pages, which is utterly ridiculous and a clear example of the obliviousness and negligence I have to deal with.

Normally, when you get a proof from the printer, no more than 10 typos to correct before officially going to print is expected. Not here, evidently.

The image I was told to use for the cover was not high enough in resolution and appeared to be pixilated on the proof. Naturally, it would be a bit worse once it came off press, but despite my warnings early on, I was ignored.

Now that I had something physical to show these people, my boss, of all people, wanted to stand there and argue with me about its quality. She insisted that it wasn’t pixilated, just “soft,” but before she could mutter another word, I cut her ass off and corrected her, “—no… it’s PIXILATED.”

Now let’s think for a moment… First of all, if this bitch wants to argue with me about the technicalities graphic design, she can sit in my fucking chair and design this bullshit herself. Otherwise, she needs to shut her mouth and LISTEN ‘cause I am NOT taking the fall for this one. No way, Jose.

Throughout the day, I tried to convince her that a low-resolution image would not print cleanly on press and there would be little the printer could do to eliminate the pixilation. I was obviously talking to a fucking brick wall because she heard what she wanted to hear and was stuck on what she believed was an acceptable cover.

The funny thing is, she was more concerned about some light blue text on a dark background not printing cleanly (on the inside), but not the first thing people would see before the even opened it up. Does that make ANY sense?

I digress… This morning, I even re-shot the cover with a better camera to resolve the issue, but neither admission nor her thick head was willing to budge and didn’t like what I took. So, I let it go… but I will tell you this: if the cover prints all fucked up, I won’t blink an eye and no one better day a damn thing. Not a motherfuckin’ word.

For the record, THIS is why these people drive me nuts… and this is only the tip of the iceberg. More to come later this week.