Drunken Nights in Astoria

Driving down to Astoria, New York: easy. Supervising 3 drunks: one HELL OF A RIDE!

I arrived at about noon. (Mike) McWilliams, his girlfriend Danielle, and (Chris) Connelly’s roommate (Andy) McNutt, had already trashed their livers the night before. McNutt was out somewhere and Connelly woke himself up out of a drunken sleep to let me in. I creeped in to see McWilliams [still passed out] spooning his girlfriend. I didn’t know they made couches that big… *ahem*

We took the train down to Central Park later that day and walked around. Everybody must have had the same idea ‘cuz Central Park was pretty busy! Acting like a kid in a candy store, McWilliams provided for a few laughs with his amazement of all the sights of the city. Silly Jersey boy ;)

Crowds circled around the various street-performers doing their thing, but the trophy goes to the hilarious and quirky Mario, who provided for some great entertainment with his torch juggling, unicycle riding, and audience-teasing routine.

Our night began with the bloody and brutal “Ultimate Fighter Champion” marathon on SpikeTV; McNutt never failing to enlighten us with his knowledge of the martial arts. Danielle left to meet up with some friends.

By the time we went downtown, Connelly had already managed to piss off 1 angry black man by taking his photo on the train by accident. I wasn’t about to get caught up in that mess so I turned the other way!

How many times did Connelly and McWilliams stop to pee in the middle of the street? Hmm…

Our plan to create a celebrity buzz failed. Apparently, Connelly looks like an actor on that show “Joey,” but nobody believed our lies that he was on the show. To make matters even worse, the poor guy must have gotten shut down [by girls] more than this very computer.

I had ONE vodka and cranberry and was near death by 1:30am. Ok, not really… but I WAS a mess. McWilliams passed out almost immediately after we hit the second bar and wouldn’t wake up. McNutt was taking numbers left and right—of course to drunk to properly save them in his cell phone. As for Connelly, well… let’s just say the girls weren’t feeling the burly white man that night… He allegedly got slapped by one, but the reason remains a mystery.

We bounced at about 3am, dragged McWilliams’ drunken ass out of the bar and then took a taxi back to Astoria. Semi-bad idea…

McWilliams [now in a coma], couldn’t remember a damn thing after we entered the second bar so he HAS no story (other than trying to open the taxi’s door as we were still driving). As for Connelly, well, let’s just say the wild and crazy death threats he was making to the cab driver he called “Larry” were quite hilarious. Not to mention, spitting on the cars of random drivers and calling them bitches as they passed by were out of character, but YES he DID THAT TOO!

I don’t know what the hell McNutt was doing, but he was having a deep conversation with the cabbie the ENTIRE time. Thankfully so or the cabbie would have heard “Larry, I’m going to cut your DICK OFF!” coming from the back seat at least 3 times. Not by me!

$22.50 later, we FINALLY reached our stop. I was pretty sober by that time; enough so that I could stop Connelly from breaking the cab window because it wouldn’t go up all the way. 8ROID RAGE!* To top the night off, I think he peed on row of 3 cars while walking back to his apartment. So much urine; so little time.

The next day was short. I ducked out to visit a former employee and friend from Manhattanville. Later on, Connelly took us to his workplace and showed us around. McWilliams struggled to finish his senior art exhibit, which he completed in time for us to run to Staples and have his images printed. A sad moment: we eventually left Connelly to do his work and took the train back…

Not too long after, McWilliams and I packed up to leave and that was a wrap on the weekend. I think he got lost. :)